another tidbit

I apologize for the lack of real writing lately. It'll return once I return to my normal state of mind. Which might be never, but will more likely be sometime toward the end of June. Maybe just in time for Beth's birthday. You never know.

Anyway, in the meantime, please enjoy my graduation announcement:

And maybe watch that Maru the cat video again.

meet maru the cat

All I have to offer today is this cat and a few tears that were shed from laughter:

return of the cat

These are my business cards. They're printed on pearl-escent paper. Yes, they glow.

Notice the mountains and cat.

Personal hygiene has taken quite a hit these days. 14 days till liftoff.

Five years, my brain hurts a lot

And here I am again, finally. Get ready for a brief run-down of all the things that have happened in my m.i.a. month, played to the tune of "Five Years" by David Bowie. Because I'm feeling a spectacular combination of benevolence and guilt, I'll even provide a video so that you, dear reader, won't be stuck with the daunting task of recalling the lyrics to the afforementioned epic (that, of course, excludes Beth. I'm confident that YOU know every word).

This one goes out to you, Beth



>> I made my show cards, and they're being printed right now. To be mailed soon: (front and back)



>> I also made my graduation announcements, but you don't get to see them yet.

>> On April 11th I was chrismated, so I'm now officially Orthodox

>> Beth and Jehoaddan's shows opened. I'm so proud of my babies.

>> The lovely Lehua took my graduation pictures. Keep tuned, folks. Coming soon.


And of course, in the meanwhile I'm taking life 5 minutes at a time, trying not to panic about my show in 3 1/2 short short weeks, graduation, jobs, etc. And of course, it's not working and I'm having daily panic attacks.

lookie lookie

I've been toying with the idea of a costume party for my next birthday, and after this excellent find there's no going back: (think Eagle vs. Shark, without all the New Zealand weirdness and sexual tension)



A Magic Cabin exclusive, these costumes can be found only at magiccabin.com!

I think these will be the dress code of the day. Also, be sure to take a look at the cloaks, royal capes, and "great celestial silk." (!!!) If everyone wore the great celestial silk I would be overwhelmed with happiness.

With just 30 simple questions you, too, can discover yourself!

I am and always have been a sucker for the personality type quizzes. I remember the day I first read the "INFJ" description and was OVERWHELMED by the clear encompassing of my very being. I was so overwhelmed, in fact, that I failed to work on Integrated Design 2, which happened to be the class I was in at the time, thus bringing the wrath of Mark upon me. Which only meant that I had to pretend like I was working instead of blatantly looking like I wasn't. 

Ever since then I've had a strange mixture of dread and desire when it comes to retaking said quizzes. On one hand I want to see if I'll come out the same. On the other hand, what if I don't? Do I leave well enough alone or do I reassure myself in my personal continuity? This is the eternal question.

Today I was reassured:

You Are An INFJ !!

"The Protector" You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity. Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is. You are an excellent listener with almost infinite patience.  You have complex feelings, and you take great care to express them. In love, you see relationships as an opportunity to connect and grow. You enjoy relationships when they are improving and changing. You can't stand stagnation. At work, you stay motivated and happy... as long as you are working toward a dream you support. You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher. How you see yourself: Hardworking, ethical, and helpful When other people don't get you, they see you as: Manipulative, weak, and unstable

Aha! Now I finally understand why people act uncomfortably around me! They can't wait to get away from my weak, unstable manipulation. BUT on the bright side, at least I'm the Protector. Are you the Protector? No, that's me.

twentyfour// special hummus edition

hummus.

WOW AM I SO ADDICTED TO THIS STUFF! It was Monday evening when I bought the Fresh & Easy "big hummus" which is none other than 16oz of pure chickpea garlic delight, and now it is Wednesday afternoon and I find myself missing about 9 1/2oz of it. That's right folks, in essentially a day I ate more than half the hummus. Right now I am contemplating eating it with a spoon, the flavor just GETS ME so.

Incidentally, I have a really intense canker sore between my gum and bottom lip that may or may not be related to the serious influx of salt and garlic that has come my way in the past 24 hours.

And apparently this guy really likes hummus too:

because he made some all by himself. Guess where I found this out. That's right, Google image. Just type in "fresh & easy" hummus, and what you will not find is a picture of the "big hummus" that I have been consuming. What you will find is about 4 pages worth of pictures documenting Ben's hummus preparation.

Which reminds me, my mother, the health nut that she once was, used to make hummus in our village out of chickpeas and not much else. It was distinctively thick and grainy, impossible to spread and unmistakably made of chickpeas. Hence the reason I only started appreciating hummus about a year ago. But let me assure you, since then I've made up for lost time.

Let me also assure you that I am not eating it with a spoon right now. I know you've been thinking about that with disdain and revulsion ever since paragraph one. Stop judging. It never happened.

(unless you count the fork that I used last night)

twentytree//

You may think that the title is a typo, but you would be wrong. I aptly named this post "twentyTREE" because today I am dealing with the ever fascinating and enriching subject of spirit animals. Of course, spirit animals live in nature, and so do trees. Obviously.

Anyway. I went through a big spirit animal kick about a year ago. In this phase I took quizzes, read wikipedia, and did many Google image searches of various animals. Ultimately I ended up deciding on our spirit animals by intuition alone.

Me:


Beth:


Lehua:



Was I not correct?

twentyone//

Me You and Everyone We Know.

Today, as I avoided the dreaded New Atheism homework, I stumbled upon this clip and was reminded of why this movie is one of my all time favorites:




Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh, so good.

TWENTY// aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Lately my thoughts have been too scattered to blog about, and I start writing a million things with titles like

TWENTY// aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

and nothing seems appropriate. So I give up. But then I feel guilty for NOT writing, even if it would have been crap anyway, so I start searching for at least a good picture that I could post instead of writing something intelligent or interesting, but after about 3 minutes get sidetracked and end up on Facebook. Or reading certain other people's blogs that are effortlessly eloquent and smart and witty. And then I sink into a mire of hopelessness and pick at my fingernails until I have to cut them off, and then I go to bed.

Or usually I don't even go to bed, but spend the next 5 hours reading and re-reading those certain witty writers or watching Gilmore Girls and despairing at my utter lack of wit. By then I'm so tired that I've lost all sense of responsibility and/or desire to live, so I spend another hour whinging to Beth about how much I effing eff efff eff blah blah blah hate life and am stressed out about my senior show, to which she responds, I know, and we utter deep, heart wrenching sighs and fall into bed in a miserable dazed stupor.

What a life.

In short what I'm saying is, I am extremely irresponsible and actually complain more than I work, which is why I end up being so stressed out and agitated all the time.


Anyway, I wish this dress wasn't $40 or I would buy it for my show opening:



Maybe I'll buy it anyway (with my tax refund which I just got today (!!!!)), which is what I usually end up doing when I'm stressed out. (Only to feel extremely guilty about it the next day and probably return it.) Maybe not. I don't know.

nineteen// colds

Apparently I have caught the dreaded cold that's going around. Yesterday I woke up with a raspy painful throat and snot-clogged nose that almost immediately transformed into a snot-dripping one. And oh, clarity, now I understand why my ears have been popping all week long.

Last time I had a cold I wrote this thing that I'll share if we all promise not to judge me too critically:

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

She blew her nose clumsily into a napkin that already held her discarded gum and closed the seat-back tray with difficulty. Stuffed the sorry tissue into a crumpled cup that declared, in Styrofoam blue:

Our lowest fare guarantee, only at AA.com--
and in smaller letters: 
HOT! CALIENTE!

Lukewarm, she corrected the faulty warning, and fished the napkin out again for another damp blow. Cursed nose. She sniffed and stole a sidelong glance out the window, eyes darting, an imperceptible turn of the head. Descending, a dirty blanket hung like smoke over the low city, hazily concealing the concise housing blocks and well groomed trees. Was it smoke?

An inward shudder and she returned to her book, ignoring the chesty ache that was anticipation.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Anyway, that's all. The only other interesting thing to report on is that our toilet won't stop running. Like my nose, it's been at it for the past 4 hours. Well, OK, that's only partly true. After an hour I got fed up and turned it off, but just now we had to turn it back on again because some flushing needed to happen. But I can almost guarantee you that it would have been running nonstop if I hadn't taken action. Too bad you can't turn noses off with the simple twist of a knob.

eighteeeeeeen//

My day at work has been highlighted by two things:

ONE//
Short, 30ish Asian man, wedding band, Tshirt printed with a glamor shot of his child wearing an animal ears headband. Walking by he smiled big and waved. After withdrawing money from his account he hesitates, then says quickly and thickly accented, "You are very beautiful!" I chuckle awkwardly and thank him, and we both wish each other good days.

Bizarre.

TWO//
There is this thing in my eye and it's irritating the hell out of me. Apparently there is nothing in there, as evidenced by peering into the mirror for a good five minutes and scrubbing my eyeball with my finger, but still it hurts. I CAN FEEL SOMETHING IN THERE gosh darn it.


In other news,

I need to make my graduation announcements. (!!!)

seventeen// scattered observations

"The length of a minute depends on which side
of the bathroom door you're on"

I saw that on a billboard last night and thought it was funny.




This week I'm going to work 30 hours, which is a little more than twice the amount I usually work. I'm not looking forward to it, but it's necessary if I want to replenish the money that was just sucked out of my savings account by my school bill.

At the same time though, the semester is just galloping right along which means that May 18th, the dreaded show day, is approaching in leaps and bounds.

So the question is, do I use my free time this week to work, like I'd planned, so I can afford to buy a car, or do I work on my show, which is terrifying me more every day?




I want to get my hair cut like Scarlett Johansson's in Lost in Translation. Bangs. Hopefully the appeal of the movie isn't clouding my perception of the hair:












I do so love the movie.


I have a headache, woof woof. And I need to write my mother. And Eat Something Because I Am Hungry.

sixteen// deceitful sushi labels

Work.

Here I am. I'm on lunch but I'm really just sitting at the back digesting a so called "sushi cup." It's neither sushi, nor did it come in a cup. The delightful Talon was out of bagels today, entirely, so this is what I get for lunch. Cold and hard rice, mushy tuna. Yummmmmmm.

But it's Friday, so it'll take a lot more than deceiful Talon sushi to dampen my spirits.

fifteen// blessing

I keep coming back to this poem by John O'Donohue. If you go here, and you should, you can download a version of him reading it. (Third link down, "Beannacht." It means blessing.) He was Irish and it's wonderful.


Beannacht

On the day when
the weight deadens
on your shoulders
and you stumble,
may the clay dance
to balance you.

And when your eyes
freeze behind
the grey window
and the ghost of loss
gets in to you,
may a flock of colours,
indigo, red, green,
and azure blue
come to awaken in you
a meadow of delight.

When the canvas frays
in the currach of thought
and a stain of ocean
blackens beneath you,
may there come across the waters
a path of yellow moonlight
to bring you safely home.

May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
may the clarity of light be yours,
may the fluency of the ocean be yours,
may the protection of the ancestors be yours.
And so may a slow
wind work these words
of love around you,
an invisible cloak
to mind your life.



There is also a really long and excellent interview with him here that you should listen to. It's a big time inspiration for me lately in my work.

fourteen//

I dream every night, vividly about very strange things, but I almost never remember them when I wake up in the morning. Usually I'm left with the bizarre feelings that go along with my subconscious ramblings, and they stay with me for a good part of the day. But every once in a great while I'll remember a dream and then I can't get it out of my head; today happens to be one of those days.

In my dream I had some friends with two children: a toddler and an infant. I don't remember where the mother was, just absent I suppose. It didn't seem strange at the time. The father was a blithering idiot. He didn't take care of his kids or even seem to know what was going on, and it bothered me. So the toddler is holding her baby sister, and they're beautiful. Beth and I are talking with the dad, and all of the sudden they're out of sight, drowning in a kiddie pool, stuck in there. Like vacuumed in or something, it was bizarre. And I'm the only one that cares or tries to do anything about it. I somehow extract them from the pool, and they both look like they're dead. It's terrifying. I can only do CPR (which I know how to do in the dream) on one at a time, and each second is invaluable so I start pumping the toddler's chest and hand the infant to the father. And he just stands there, looking baffled and holding the baby in one hand, DOING NOTHING. It's breaking my heart but I can't do anything about it because the toddler is still not breathing. So I managed to save the little girl but the baby died because of her father's stupidity. And yet I still felt so guilty and devastated for the rest of the dream, like it was my fault or something.

It was terrible.

thirteen// some late and tired thoughts

It's so late that my brain hurts and I keep convincing myself, in a dumb mind fog, to do stupid things like read blogs for hours instead of going to sleep. Tonight I'm a little bit sad and all I want is some wine and to not have to go to work in the morning.



>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
How do you stop being sad?

I should know but I don't, still. Lately it passes through me with sleep or distraction or tasks. But not so long ago it was a constant gnawing ache in my chest that I could try to ignore but it would just keep festering. Sometimes I miss it.

And now it's gone, inexplicably and without effort. It just passed, slowly I think, maybe little bits at a time dissipated. And I realized that the festering has been replaced by a light sort of clarity that I've never felt before. I'm so grateful and it doesn't seem fair that I should be light and un-prevailed upon while others are still being chewed up by that perpetual ache. I can't even offer any help because I don't know how it changed, and beside that, the rest of the world probably resents me for my happiness. I just want to swallow down all the pain of everyone that I love. And I can't, so instead I end up silent or laughing, doing no good at all.

twelve//

The weekend's rolling around again and I couldn't be happier. I'm sitting here munching on a very Lenten lunch of toasted peanut butter and jelly sandwich, mentally preparing myself for the dreaded Small Group Communication class that I have in exactly 19 minutes. And physically preparing myself for the walk there. (Aerobics, sadly enough, still exhausts me.)

17 minutes.

I should leave.

But I don't want to.

I dread the endless icebreakers and pointless discussions.

I shall think of this as I begin my trek:

(feathers)

eleven//

I have an embarrassing admission.

Regretfully, I cannot remember a time I wasn't watching the Bachelor. As in, tonight the sneaky show lasted for THREE AND A HALF HOURS. All I wanted was for my curiosity to be abated by finding out which girl he would choose, and I believe it took 27 commercial breaks for that to happen. Commercial breaks in which we were subjected to propaganda on terrible things like Vagisil. Yes, Vagisil. Come on, shudder with me about that frightful experience. And yes, it was undeniably one I could have avoided and terminated at any moment by standing up and turning off the TV. But I'm curious like a cat and stubborn like a mule:



















(Side note: this is not a picture of a catmule, but it does deserve some attention. Being a faithful fan of Google Image search, I just now searched "cat mule." This picture came up thirteen times on the first page with various captions that can be reduced to these four:
"... then the mule picked up the cat ...,"
"... the mule again picked up the cat ...,"
"The mule stomped the cat then pinned ..."
"Yes the Mule, killed the mountain ...,"
From these I deduced that the image pictures both a mule and a mountain lion, and that the mule picked up the cat two times before proceeding to stomp, pin and kill it. Astounding.)

Anyway. All that to say that I can be idiotic when it comes to television and it's a good thing our antenna barely works or I might be tempted to watch much more than I do. Or maybe the Vagisil commercial tonight saved me from a future of television watching, as I will ALWAYS live in fear of seeing it again.

ten//

"Ten," just now was SO CLOSE to being: yrn, then, or teen. It's been such a long day, and yet, I'm. still. awake. At 3:37. I actually started writing this at 3:33, which I consider to be a good sign. Those even or symmetrical numbers are always an amicable sign and have a cheering effect on my spirit.

For example, I usually set my alarm for 7:27. Not because I need those extra three minutes before seven thirty, but because it inevitably starts out the day better. Just trust me on this. Also, if you start paying attention you will catch these glorious numbers at almost every turn. Bare (bear?) with me on this.

OH LOOK:

(Pretend this is a picture of 3:43 on a digital clock. It took me 5 seconds and two Google image searches to determine that I wasn't going to find an appropriate picture before my bedtime.)


3:43! So symmetrical, and what a good time to go to bed.

nine//

Daily dose of inspiration: OK, this brilliant woman, Ruth Marshall, knits cat pelts. I would dearly like to meet her. Wouldn't that be great if genius rubbed off by proximity?

In other news, I am extremely lazy and slept till 11 this morning only to arise with an accelerated heartbeat that lasted an hour for NO APPARENT REASON. The twitching, the heart, the mysterious appendicital pains, not to mention the heart palpitations that come weekly. Good thing I eat so healthy to counteract my crappy body. HAH.

eight// on face twitching

These are the areas of my face that have twitched in the last few weeks:

(the normal places like:)
1. eyelid >>>> left eye, top lid

2. eyebrow >>>> left one

(then the unusual places, like:)

3. mouth >>>> top lip, left hand side

4. CHEEK >>>>  my lower cheek/jaw area was twitching uncontrollably last week ???? and again, on the left side

This raises a question: what in the world is wrong with the left side of my face? Should I be worried about all this twitching? Should I be transcribing the twitches into Morse Code that, if translated correctly, will spell out messages like "beware your immanent death," or "stop drinking coffee, it's aggravating your heart and causing an ulcer?" Is it like the aftershock of an earthquake, telling me that I've recently had a stroke and the left side of my body is about to lose all sensation and muscle control?

Last semester I had an eye twitch that lasted for SIX HOURS STRAIGHT. What if I was the world record holder for Longest Lasting Twitch Incident and didn't even know it? Woah baby, I should make myself a medal.

seven// bunny yawns

THESE RABBITS ARE YAWNING! (tired, like me)

I want a bunny. so. bad. I wish I could say I was responsible for the gem of a website these pictures were taken from. Sadly, I am not. But I recommend that you check it out anyway:

http://talkingegg.com/humor/bunnyyawns.html

Also be sure to follow the link at the bottom, entitled "bunny lick." You won't be sorry, I promise.

six//

I'm going out of my mind this week. Too busy, can't think. The weekend doesn't hold much promise of relaxation or even getting caught up. In this state of rushed agitation I have a million lists going on in my head simultaneously, including (but not limited to): laundry, gallery installation, call the bank, get fliers printed, WORK ON SHOW, email people. Usually at this point the list dissolves into a wordless howl, such as: "aaaaaiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeee." Either that or very colorful language gets played on repeat through my brain for the next couple of minutes.

ANYWAY.

Instead of posting new work, since I have none, this is part of zine that I made a couple of semesters ago. I'm still very fond of it. It's entitled, Welcome to the World: 100% all natural goodness by Claire Andrews. This is but a sampling of spreads>>>>>>>













































































So there we go. And I'm off to make more lists.

five// in which i may or may not have appendicitis

Today was not my day. First of all, aerobics. We don't need to talk any more about aerobics. But then this thing happened when I got home from the aforementioned class and collapsed onto my bed for a couple of minutes. This thing that happened was, I tried to get up and was immediately confronted with a searing, crippling pain in my lower right abdomen, right by the hip bone.

As in, yes, that IS where the appendix is.

By clutching my side and moving slowly I was able to reach my computer, in crippling pain, to google-self-diagnose. Because, I'll just go ahead and admit this right now: I am terrified of appendicitis, and that's the first thing I thought of when the pain hit me. According to the all knowing Internet, my symptoms were exactly those of appendicitis (intense pain, lower right abdomen, applied pressure slightly relieved pain), which both terrified and shamed me. I generally despise the hyper paranoid that self-diagnose and then rush to the ER. But I was seriously considering the ER at this point, because this was the point where movement induced nausea.

SOLUTION: call the Health Center. Five times. They finally answer and say, there's nothing we can do for you. Go to the Urgent Care down the street. Ok. Should I? Maybe.

No. I refuse to rush off, willy nilly to the ER. So I decided to wait it out, and, aided by three Excedrin, within an hour I could walk again. And what do you know, it's gradually worn off throughout the day until now, at 1:30 am when I am proudly announcing that I am PAIN FREE. And boy am I glad I didn't go to the Urgent Care down the street. Although in hindsight that might actually have been a good idea. Chances are, a little trip to the emergency room could have gotten me out of all this homework that I'm avoiding right now yet still have to finish by tomorrow.

four// my atrophied muscles and cats

Woah woah woah am I in pain this morning. To take my mind off my atrophied muscles, I've been looking at cats of course. This artist, Dana Carlson, apparently shares my appreciation of cats:

CAT MOUNTAIN

























CATS ARE ATTUNED TO THE WEATHER
























SPIRIT QUEST WITH WOLVES

three// on some recent incidents

The last few weeks have been marked by a series of unfortunate events, namely involving the regrettable PE requirements of our school. Of which I have only completed half. Because of which I have to take two PE classes this semester, my final semester of college.

So I'm taking Walking and Jogging, no big deal. That's fine. But the other one, that one last requirement, has been giving me endless amounts of grief. Beth and I, having already experienced Beginning Bowling together, signed up for Advanced Bowling: the next level up in the bowling hierarchy of classes. But then we remembered, OH YEAH, handicaps. We won't be getting any now that we've attained the "advanced" status. Faced with extreme humiliation and an average score of 90, we dropped the class. Only to add, are you ready for this, BEGINNING AEROBICS. Or as some might call it, GOSPEL aerobics.

This is a disaster. Our first class today involved (and was not limited to): gospel music, kicking, squats, holding your arms in the air until they're going to fall off, and many combinations of motions that I am not physically capable of. Like complicated foot movements performed simultaneously with rhythmic arm waving, followed directly by push ups. Which I am also incapable of. Which, incidentally, make me feel like I'm going to throw up; there was bile in my mouth at one point. Sweat streaming, nauseous and shaking, constantly losing my balance and in danger of toppling, I realized that I'm going to have trouble moving at all tomorrow. AND FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, as long as I'm in this class.

two//

I'm trying to start off the day on a good foot, since it involves about 13 hours at school. My longest break between classes on Wednesday (or "death day," as I'm fond of calling) it is a half an hour. Fortunately I share my plight with not one, but three of my friends, so we commiserate and give each other caffeine injections on the sly. Anyway, what better way to start the day (rhyme rhyme rhyme!) than with a little inspiration, right? Well, here it is:























inspiration of the best variety (Amy Long). Oh wait, and I was going to post another beautiful picture, but formatting is clearly against me this morning (as evidenced by the abnormally and inexplicably large gap between picture and text. Not my doing.) so that's all you get.

one// off to a great start

Already things have gone terribly wrong. Upon sitting down to write my first post, I was met with a great suprise. (See below.) Somehow the blog had manipulated its settings to automatically translate everything I wrote into Hindi, of all languages. After a half an hour of searching I finally righted the sneaky setting, and here I am, miraculously writing in English, in characters I can read.

It's incredible how much less impressive this looks now that it's readable, and how difficult it is to think of anything to say. But oh wow check out that Hindi down there.

नम्बर ओने

वेल नो इ हवे अ ब्लॉग ठाट अप्परेंत्ल्य कोन्वेर्ट्स एवेर्य्थिंग इ'म व्रितिंग इन्तो अ दिफ्फेरेंत लैंगुएज। थिस इस ग्रेट। इ कैन'टी एवें रीड आईटी म्य्सेल्फ़।